Confusion
by gk.writer.hp
Summary: Here is a one shot about Charlie figuring out he is Gay, or is he?


Disclaimer:  
None of these characters are mine. But, you probably already knew that.. alright, go on and read!  
P.S. I have never written anything for Perks so this is a first!

Dear Friend,

I had a odd night last night and I am not sure how to explain it, because I, myself, and not quite sure what happened either. I thought that you would understand, because you seem like a very understanding person, you know, even though I have never met you, you know my very deepest feelings. It all seemed to start after school yesterday when Sam asked me if I wanted to go over to her house and study with Patrick and her...

"So, what do you think, that alright with you?" Sam said walking briskly to her car where Patrick was waiting for her.  
"Well, as long as we study.." I said quietly.  
"No, were going to do drugs, then drive. Duh Charlie, of course we are going to study! You obviously don't trust me.." She said with a twinkle in her eye. I walked over to the car window and looked at Patrick, seeing if he minded me going along. He never cares, so I gave up looking for his approval,  
"Yeah, I'll come" I said giving in, actually glad to go. I swung myself around the car and slid into the backseat. It was hot and stuffy, being that it was almost summer. I suddenly longed for the long summer nights to come, full of staying at Sam and Patrick's house and riding in that same car, exploring the world, and listening to music. The car jolted to a halt at a stoplight and I could hear Dexys Midnight Runners – Come On Eileen playing. I couldn't help it but sing even though we were stopped, with the windows open, not to mention, I'm a terrible singer. Patrick instantly joined me and all the people in the other cars looked at us weird so Sam stopped us,  
"Boys, what do you think you are you doing! This is how you do it," She stuck her entire body up to her waist out the window and yelled, "COME ON EILEEN! OH, COME ON EILEEN!" We actually were not to surprised about this, so we just joined along again and the red light turned to green. The cool wind was blowing through the car and the song ended so do our spontaneous car ride. We, arrived at their house and jumped out of the car and went to the living room. We sat down on the carpeted floor and brought out our books and flipped pages, waiting for someone to break the silence, so I decided to,  
"Anyone have any idea how to get out of chemistry? It hurts my eyes to read this garbage." Patrick and Sam looked at each other and laughed, and I wondered exactly why but didn't question. I rolled on to my stomach and read the text book. I tried to stay awake, but I was just so exausted that I couldn't stop the constant droop of my eyes. I slowly lowered my head and fell asleep. I have no idea how long I was asleep, but when I woke up, it had gotten darker, no one was around me, and all my homework was finished. There was a little note from Sam on the textbook I had fallen asleep reading:

Hi Charlie,

If you are reading this,  
yeah, you fell asleep,  
and you must have woken up.  
We are just listening to music upstairs,  
come and join us.

Love, Sam

I stood up and went upstairs, rubbing my eyes. I must have been asleep for and hour or so, and it was dark so I turned on the light which must have told Patrick and Sam that I had woken up, they came to the top of the stairs and said,  
"Morning sleeping beauty."  
"Shut up Patrick," Sam said sweetly with a smirk, "Wanna come listen to music with us Charlie?"  
"Yeah sure." I waked up the wooden stairs and met them in Sam's room, she was playing a cassette that I made for her, that made me happy that she actually liked it.

After a while, I have no idea how long, but we just talked about all things that came to our minds. All the way from what makes the sky blue, to how Patrick found out he was gay. It was nice just to talk about nothing at all. After a while, the cassette stopped and we just sat there. Suddenly, Patrick said,  
"Charlie?"  
"Yea, what is it?" I said calmly.  
"Charlie, do you like me? Well, sorry, I just-"  
"Yea Patrick, I like you, your a great friend!" I said, hoping that was what he meant, as friends.  
"But, I mean," God, this is what I dreaded.. "Do you, like me? Charlie, do you have feelings for me?" As he actually said it out loud I thought, do I like Patrick? Do I love him, does he love me. Lord, what can I do. I dont know my own feelings anymore. I decided that I would have to answer him. So I did. I sat up and pulled him close and kissed him. It was a loving kiss, one with meaning. The thing was, I thought he was going to pull away, that it would be a short kiss, just a peck, but he pulled me closer. He put his toung in my mouth and hugged me tight. When it finally ended, and we pulled apart, he looked at me. He had a huge grin on and he just looked at me, like he was evaluating my every feature. I looked into his eyes, trying to read my emotions. As I finally became aware of my surroundings, I remembered that Sam was there. She looked at us, and not smiling but not frowning. She was just, looking. I turned to her and stuttered,  
"Eh, I, well" but I was shut up quickly but her, because she grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss. And I loved it. But just as much as I loved kissing Patrick. My head was spinning as I passionately kissed Sam. She held me tight. I wondered why, durring nither of these I, I had the flashbacks. It wasn't normal. Yet I was relived, that not either of these wonderful experiences were interrupted. I was completely confused. Was I gay, was I straight, did I love Patrick, did I love Sam? I was so confused. Finally Sam and I parted and I looked right into her eyes.  
"What the hell." Patrick said just as confused as I was. Sam finally spoke,  
"So Charlie..."  
"Wait! What just happened? I just kissed a guy, proving that I might be gay, then, YOU Sam, kissed me. I am so incredibly confused." I looked at Patrick and he looked at Sam. I looked at Patrick and he looked at me, he smiled and so did I. I started to think, I HAVE to choose now. "Patrick." I said confidently.  
"Yeah? What is it?" Patrick said quietly.  
"No, Patrick." I said again even louder this time. "Sam, you told me to choose. So I choose."  
"Charlie, are you sure your not choosing to quickly, I mean I am glad for you what ever you choose, but I mean, I don't want you to jump to answers becasuse I pressure, I mean-"  
"Sam, I know. I know what just happened. Sam I love you, but I love Patrick even more." I turned my head to Patrick, "Patrick, when we kissed, I just, felt a connection that I hadn't before. Now, I want to return the question. Patrick, do you have feelings for me?" I looked into his eyes, he great green eyes. After a beat or two he said, "Yes Charlie, I have always liked you. I just never new what your reaction would be. I am so glad Charlie, I have waited for this, for a long time." He smiled at me and then I looked at Sam,  
"Oh, Charlie!" Sam hugged me tight, "I'll love you no matter what!"

And so I went home, as Patrick drove me I just sat and thought. What now?

When I got home, I slept until morning, a full nights sleep. And now I am writing to you. I just don't quite know what happened, but I am glad to get it out. I don't know if I like Patrick or Sam. I don't know. I'm just glad your here to listen.

Your Friend,

Charlie


End file.
